The film was released on June 26, 2015.
John Bennett has been divorced from Lori Collins for 5 months. Meanwhile, his best friend Ted marries his girlfriend, Tami-Lynn. One year later, following a heated argument, they decide to have a child. As Ted can not have children, John agrees to help Ted find a sperm donor. They ask Sam J. Jones but he refuses due to a low sperm count. Then they try to unsuccessfully break into Tom Brady's house and steal his sperm. Ultimately, John offers to donate his sperm.
Despite Ted and John's efforts, Tami-Lynn's historical drug use has rendered her infertile and the couple decide to adopt. As background checks are carried out, Ted brings his legal status as a person into question. The state authorities of Massachusetts declare Ted property rather than a person, resulting in the loss of his job at a grocery store - shortly after reassuring a customer that buying a box of Trix, as an adult, will not bring him to any harm. Furthermore, Ted's credit card and bank accounts are frozen while his marriage to Tami-Lynn is annulled.
John suggests that they take the state to court, and their case is assigned to a novice lawyer pro-bono, Samantha Leslie Jackson. They are initially reluctant, especially due to her lack of knowledge on modern culture, but they take a liking to Samantha after finding out she also uses illegal drugs and disagrees with the War on Drugs. The three bond over their love of marijuana as they prepare to present the case.
Meanwhile, Donny, Ted's life-long stalker and would-be abductor, is now employed as a janitor at the headquarters of toy company Hasbro, in New York City. He convinces the company CEO to hire an expert attorney to ensure that Ted maintains his status as property, therefore leaving him open to seizure by the firm to create more living teddy bears.
Despite Samantha's best efforts, the court rules against Ted. Disheartened but desperate, the trio contact Patrick Meighan, a highly respected civil rights attorney, hoping he'll take the case and overturn the court's decision. Driving to Manhattan to meet him, Ted crashes into a hidden marijuana patch, where Samantha and John realize their attraction for each other. The next day, the trio meet Meighan, who is sympathetic to Ted's plight but ultimately refuses the case, as he believes he has not significantly contributed to humanity due to his juvenile slacker lifestyle.
Ted, angry at the injustice and jealous of Samantha and John's new relationship, wanders off. Donny follows him as he wanders into the New York Comic-Con. Once inside, Donny attempts to kidnap Ted, who flees and contacts John for help. John and Samantha arrive at Comic-Con and search for Ted, arriving as Donny is about to cut him open. As they make their escape, Donny cuts the cables holding up a model of the USS Enterprise and it swings towards Ted. John pushes Ted out of the way, takes the hit, and is knocked unconscious. Ted identifies Donny and he is arrested.
At the hospital, Samantha, Ted and Tami-Lynn rejoice when John recovers. Patrick Meighan decides to take the case, telling them he has been inspired by John's selflessness and Ted's emotions over his fallen friend. Meighan gets the ruling overturned by demonstrating that Ted is self-aware, that he feels complex emotions, and is capable of empathy. Outside the court, Ted re-proposes to Tami-Lynn. After they are re-married, Ted and Tami-Lynn, adopting the surname of "Clubberlang", adopt a baby boy, whom they name Apollo Creed, while John and Samantha happily pursue their own relationship.
- Mark Wahlberg as John Bennett, the main protagonist.
- Amanda Seyfried as Samantha Jackson, the tritagonist.
- Giovanni Ribisi as Donny, the main antagonist.
- Jessica Barth as Tami-Lynn McCafferty, the secondary tritagonist.
- Patrick Warburton as Guy
- Cocoa Brown as Joy
- John Carroll Lynch as Tom Jessup
- Bill Smitrovich as Frank Stevens
- Sam J. Jones as himself
- Sebastian Arcelus as Dr. Ed Danzer
- Morgan Freeman as Patrick Meighan
- Dennis Haysbert as Fertility doctor
- David Hasselhoff as himself
- Tom Brady as himself
- Taran Killam as himself
- Jimmy Fallon as himself
- Jimmy Kimmel as himself
- Bill Maher as himself
- Jay Leno as himself
- Kate McKinnon as herself
- Bobby Moynihan as himself
- Lenny Clarke as Cop
- Liam Neeson as Customer
- Jessica Szohr as Allison
- Jay Patterson as Karl Jackson
- Michael Dorn as Rick
- Curtis Stigers as Wedding singer
- John Slattery as Shep Wild
- William Xifaras as Boston Guy
- Nana Visitor as Adoption agent
- Ralph Garman as Stormtropper
- Alec Sulkin as Obi-Wan Kenobi
- Ron Canada as Judge Matheson
- Craig Ricci Shaynak as Blind Guy
- Seth MacFarlane as Ted (voice and motion capture), the titular deuteragonist.
- Patrick Stewart as Narrator
- It was once rumored that Jim Carrey appeared, but this was an error.
Filming began in March 2013.